Lifestyle Changes, the Humorists of Diets


I've been implementing some lifestyle changes over the past four weeks. Lifestyle changes are the sophisticated older cousins of diets. They're like jazz or silk scarves or soft leather high end driving shoes. Lifestyle changes may not have the impact of a crash diet or a 30-day extreme exercise program, but that's what makes them sustainable. A tweak here, a tweak there, remove this or that from the plate-add this or that to the regimen. All substance, no flash. 

Last week I saw a billboard for an upcoming appearance by a 'humorist.' A humorist is the sophisticated older cousin of the comedian. Subtle humor for the erudite. Hearty guffaws and rip snorting chuckles are not guaranteed. Slight smiles, occasional quiet giggles may ensue. If you're looking to laugh your ass off, you need not apply. Comedians are so gauche. I mean, really. How many dick jokes can one endure? Take a walk on the mild side with the somewhat amusing musings of Dolores DuCharmet, humorist to the stars.

Lifestyle Changes are the humorists of diets. 

So far my subtle lifestyle changes have included almost daily 3 mile walks and removing coffee, sugar, bread and bread-like substances from the daily rotation. I can't drink coffee without sugar and half and half, so I've let it go. There has been an increase in berries, green leafy items, various and sundry vegetables, beans, nuts, and lean proteins. I've added more water, though it has not been easy. I don't like the way water tastes. You will tell me that water has no flavor, but you are incorrect. It has a weird, bitter, sad flavor that lingers after every sip. 

Sips water, sighs.

Yup, blech.

I've cut back on the consumption of wine, though the Queen of England, who looks to be on trajectory for immortality, has a glass of bubbly every evening before bed AND a pre-lunch cocktail. What's good for the Queen should be good for the rest of us. Yet, calories and weight loss and health concerns and yadda, yadda, yadda... I'll reserve my royal beverage imbibing activities for the weekend. This is a fancy humorist way of saying I'm cutting out alcohol and replacing it with...blergh...water. Huzzah.

I would like to report that my lifestyle changes have resulted in significant changes in my body. However, I have shed but a scant few pounds resulting in my being much the same curvy and slightly lumpy person I was four weeks ago. Walking is not a huge calorie burner, but my lungs and my gimpy right tennis elbow afflicted arm preclude me from more vociferous physical activities at this juncture. The thing is, when you go on a fad diet and you lose a bunch of weight quickly, it's satisfying but more often than not unsustainable. It's all flash and glitter that leads to crash and burn. I'm in this for the long haul. Therefore, regardless of how long it takes for these subtle changes to become evident, I shall march bravely with my water bottle in tow chewing on a leafy green something or other resolutely.

Stay tuned for my upcoming book: Lose Weight SLOWLY with Light Exercise and Simple Dietary Alterations with Madge's Lifestyle Changes, the Humorists of Diets. Introduction by Dolores DuCharmet, actual humorist.