Ba Donk Ka Donk Brought to you By Random and Disjointed, LLC


Hello, Gorgeous!

Wow. I have not posted here since November 28th. Seriously?

I’m entirely unclear as to how this most egregious situation transpired. I mean, really. I don’t have much else to do beyond creating content for the internets and thinking too much, which of course results in more content for the internets. There are also rants, which I perform for the dogs, or my husband, much to their chagrin.

Oh Lort, ma’s gone all ranty again.

Yet, here we are, three days into a brand spanking new year and I’m finally tapping some drivel into my keyboard. I have no idea what might transpire. I have nothing more than my synapses firing randomly and my fingers acquiescing to the electronic impulses. Therefore today’s essay is brought to you by Random and Disjointed, LLC.

I was contacted by multiple social media coordinators for multiple brands over the holidays looking for me to create content in exchange for free things OR allow them to provide me with content in exchange for…this is fun…back links and affiliate marketing.

This is all, essentially, free advertising.

Even if they offer to send you a sample, it’s still pretty much free advertising.

I don’t work for glitter unless it’s really, really, really sparkly glitter that I really, really, really want.

Glitter of that caliber is almost as elusive as my formerly svelte ass. Speaking of my ass, my husband and I exchanged a hug recently, and he grabbed it with both hands and said, “Ba donk ka donk.”


I am sure he found this amusing or perhaps he meant it as a compliment.

I was neither amused nor flattered.

Yes, my trunk is packed with a generous portion of ba donk ka donk, but I’d prefer any memo regarding said junk be sent in a more thoughtful way.

Like say, “Oh, my, that’s a sassy ass you’ve got there.” or “Now that’s a bodacious booty!”

Grabbing someone’s booty and saying “Ba donk a donk” is like squeezing a boob and saying, “Honk” or twirling a nipple while saying “Tokyo, Tokyo, Come In Tokyo.” The latter I do find amusing. Go figure.

I’m a conundrum wrapped in a riddle stuffed with a quandary and a generous helping of ba donk ka donk. But let’s not dwell on these things, there’s so much more to ponder as we boldly march into the new year. So. Much. More.

Like this feeling I have that ‘this is the year.’ THIS IS THE YEAR! I declared at midnight whilst sipping champagne with my husband who wisely did not make the mistake of shouting ‘ba donk ka donk’ at that moment.

THIS IS THE YEAR! Those 55 other years, they were practice years! This is the year I’m going to make the stuff happen! Not that I haven’t made stuff happen before, because looking back objectively I have definitely made stuff happen, it’s just that the stuff hasn’t resulted in a healthy bank account balance.

Did you know that you can’t pay your mortgage in glitter?

Someone please explain this to the social media outreach coordinators for brands. Thank you.

This year, I plan to crack the code for making all of the stuff that I make happen also make money happen. I have big ideas. I have plans. I may even make a schedule and a master plan. It could happen! Or maybe I’ll continue pulling random rainbows out of my bodacious booty.

Stay tuned, we’ll find out together.